“Snipers for Vipers,” Armor-Piercing Rounds for Your Compensationmobile

As lethal as this gun is, it probably hasn't killed as many people off the battlefield as a Dodge Viper. Image: Barrett.
As lethal as this gun is, it probably hasn't killed as many people off the battlefield as a Dodge Viper. Image: Barrett.

I mocked Max Muller of Max Motors last summer for offering free AK-47s with the purchase of a new vehicle from his Butler, Missouri, showroom. We noted the “Kalashnikovs for Clunkers” deal was the second annual offering of guns with new cars, after he offered Glocks or Gas in 2008. At the time I wrote the article, Cash for Clunkers was all the rage so my angle was how kooky an incentive a firearm was for re-upping your ride.

Well, this year Max has gone right for the jugular, trying to sell his most compensatory vehicular stock by offering one of the baddest weapons on the market, whether for the battlefield or the Viagra crowd: the Barrett .50 caliber sniper rifle. If you aren’t already familiar with the Barrett, it’s made by Ronnie Barrett in Murfreesboro (pronounced “Muf-freeze-burrow”), Tennessee, and it has become the poster-child for gun-control advocates trying to keep military-grade weaponry off the civilian market.

I’ll admit right now to my Streetsblog readers, I grew up a gun aficionado on a ranch in Nevada and, at age 13, I wanted little more than to become a sniper for the Marines. Well, I also really wanted a red pick-up truck with chrome roll-bars, a gun rack in the cab and vanity plates that read “Matt.” So in a deep-down, reptilian-brain way, I understand the appeal of a big V-10 and a bigger firearm, though every fiber in my adult sensibility strains against these impulses.

Short detour into my adolescent psyche aside, if you haven’t already gone to Max’s Snipers for Vipers radio ad, I highly recommend a listen. The deep voice of the narrator beckons you to make like Randal O’toole (funny, for a Portland-area bike rider, he sure loves hot rods) and head over to the nearest dealership to get a real manly killing machine with your manly killing machine.

What did your dealer throw in with your new vehicle? Did he top off your blinker fluid? Give me a break! Max motors is taking it to the next level. They’re calling it “Snipers for Vipers.” Yeah, you heard me, Max Motors is always taking aim at lower prices. You can take aim too, when you buy a new Dodge Viper from Max Motors, you’ll get a free Barrett .50 caliber sniper rifle. It’s a gun with the power to match the car. A cool Dodge Viper and a .50 caliber sniper rifle. Max Motor has 10 Vipers to choose from, so go ahead, pull the trigger. Ask about “Snipers for Vipers” now at Max Motors in Butler Missouri, home of the free, the brave, and the guaranteed lowest prices in the USA.

Of course, both the Barrett and the Sniper are way over-engineered for use in the real world. The Viper SRT-10 has 600 horsepower, a top speed of 202 miles per hour, and goes 0-60 in 3.5 seconds, one of the fastest production vehicles on the market. The Barrett can puncture tank armor from a mile away and is illegal in numerous states, including California.

Bravado aside, this year’s ad made me realize Max Muller is doing a much better job associating cars with death than any lily-livered livable city advocate like me could possibly do. Perhaps all new vehicles should be paired with a firearm? This guilt by association could be very beneficial.

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