Eyes on the Street: Bike Thief Hit With Ice Cube, Nabbed on Bike Lane

Photo: Jessica Kuo

Last night at about 11:30 p.m., Jessica Kuo came across “a man handcuffed with his face planted against the bike lane” at Market and Valencia Streets in the left-turn bike junction. She reported:

A friend who lived in an apartment a block away actually saw the guy steal the bike, and right as he biked away, my friend threw an ice cube at his head and managed to pelt him from the third story of the apartment building while he was on the phone with the cops to report the theft.

That friend was a man who only wanted to be identified as Brendan. Kuo relayed his account: “The owner of the bike actually stepped out of the bar [at Market and Laguna Streets] for a cigarette and saw the thief try to take it, which is why the thief took off, prompting Brendan to throw the ice cube at him.”

SFPD said it couldn’t confirm the reports. When we emailed Brendan to confirm it, and asked if he had anything else to add, he reiterated: “For the record I’d like to note that I nailed him on the forehead with the oversized ice cube, from three stories up.”

  • Anonymous

    If you’re going to steal bikes, always wear a CPSC-approved safety helmet.

  • davistrain

    I would hope that the thief is now “on ice” in the local “cooler” (hoosegow),

  • Ion Feldman

    Mugshot please!

  • Donut Holstein

    dude is a straight up sniper with an ice cube. from 3 stories up, moving target, while talking on the phone?? i wonder if he also calculated wind speed, barometric air pressure, and the rotation of the earth to nail that guy square between the eyes…

  • brittnell

    Here’s to hoping he got “knocked out cold” by that cube.

  • Anonymous

    You could say that this thief was frozen… (puts on sunglasses).. in his tracks.

  • Presumably the ice was in some sort of glass container prior to being thrown. Thief is lucky Brendan was kind enough to first remove ice from said container before throwing.

  • Andy Chow

    Not at all to condone bike theft, I don’t think it is safe to throw ice from 3 stories up.

  • Guest

    Happy ending. But if the thief had fallen and cracked his skull on the ground, we’d have a whole different story. Fortunate this time.

  • Tommy Beersman

    Sounds like dude who threw the ice cube is pumping this story up. Doubtful that he even hit him with it from 3 stories up but the giveaway is the “over-sized ice cube”. What exactly is an over-sized ice cube and how the fuck does one obtain one? Was it the size of a snowball? A small glacier maybe?

    I smell bullshit.

  • brittnell

    Can’t say with certainty that it’s NOT bullshit, but large ice cubes are actually quite trendy (for whiskeys and such) right now, so maybe it was one of these? Check “ice cube mold” on Amazon for a plethora of examples.

  • Tommy Beersman

    I’m not a stranger to ice cube molds and have heard of them being used quite frequently in bars and such but at home? And to warrant a special mention, ““For the record I’d like to note that I nailed him on the forehead with the oversized ice cube, from three stories up.”. I dunno just reeks of bullshit to me. Just one man’s opinion though.

  • guest2

    I think I speak for many victims of bike theft in this city in replying that maybe people shouldn’t steal bikes if they are concerned about their skulls being cracked on the ground.

  • Anonymous

    Oversized ice cube molds are quite popular at home these days, and are basically de rigueur for any serious whiskey drinker. That part of the story sounds completely reasonable. Can’t make an old fashioned without one.

  • Andy Chow

    Falling objects kill: http://youtu.be/9wy1FldnVtU

  • Anonymous

    he forgot to say that he told him to freeze before he threw the ice cube

  • Anonymous

    And to think all this time I was focused on the safety of motor vehicles. Silly me.

  • Anonymous

    How else does one make ice other than with molds? My home ice cubes are shaped like penguins. Don’t understand the issue.

  • Mike

    But it’s safe to steal bikes in this town, because 99.99% of people in SF will not do anything and instead walk by a thief doing his dirty work. Don’t want to hurt a thief or anything, you know… This town is so soft that Brendan is the closest thing we have to a Dirty Harry these days!

  • Nolan Ryan

    Why, because he has a decent arm and got a little lucky? It wasn’t 3 stories, but outside Cafe du Nord I was able to tag someone during a Mentos food fight who was throwing stuff at us from her second floor window. And she was a midget (sorry, little person) – a small one, at that. Quick too.

  • What’s funny is that the article doesn’t even explicitly mention that the ice cube immobilized the thief. I guess we’re just supposed to put the pieces together.

  • Sean

    Wait a minute, the pun part comes AFTER the sunglasses, right? E.g:

    Looks like this case has… [sunglasses]… gone cold.
    Guess this bike thief should’ve just… [sunglasses]… chilled.
    Well, that puts this bike thief… [sunglasses].. on ice.


  • Johnny Guest

    Perhaps if said bicycle thief had been that concerned about his safety, he would have worn a standards approved cycle helmet. 😉

  • Anonymous

    … or they would start to wear helmets 🙂

  • Anonymous

    I would be been just as happy if it was a baseball… or a rock.
    Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

  • We have a few round molds in our freezer at the moment. (SF resident)…sometimes we throw ice off the balcony at ourselves during garbage times.

  • Derek

    Very common at home. I have several.

  • Anonymous

    My freezer is full of oversized ice cubes, as can yours be. BB&B, Amazon, Crate & Barrell, etc etc…


  • Anonymous


  • J. Walker

    Highly likely…once had a friend who threw an ice cube from a four story hotel into a trash can in front of a Taqueria in Mexico City…


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