Posted on Masonic: Hilarious Send-Up of Cars-First Vitriol

This flyer was seen posted along Masonic Avenue this weekend. Scan by Jen Houghton via Uppercasing. Click to enlarge.

Along Masonic Avenue this weekend, an anonymous safe streets advocate found a creative way to call out the absurd behavior of neighbors who showed up way too late in the game to oppose a redesign of the street in a bid to save car parking.

The satirical flyers, reported today by Uppercasing, pretty much sum up a lot of the vitriolic, baseless rhetoric typically heard when proposals to make streets safer and more livable threaten to take space from cars.

Photo: Noah Brezel

A few choice selections:

Despite a number of crashes, deaths and accidents, this street is TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY SAFE! Shout down and talk over anyone who disagrees with you and your made up FACTS!

A FLOOD of frustrated drivers whose trip now takes 5 minutes and 15 seconds instead of just 5 minutes will go on a KILLING SPREE!!! YOU MAY BE THEIR NEXT VICTIM!!! LIKE SUDDEN IMPACT! YOU WILL BE IMPACTED! ALL DAY EVERY DAY! Analogous to what happens when a speeding automobile strikes you when you are crossing the road.

Do you have your own anecdote about a cyclist being rude? Present it as DATA! Did a pedestrian hold you up for five seconds? Were you MAD that YOU had to WAIT? Tell the area representatives! Raise your voice! Shout at them! Get screechy! So the SFMTA has “engineers” who hold “Masters Degrees” and “Professional Certificates” — do not be fooled! YOUR IDEAS ABOUT TRAFFIC ENGINEERING ARE JUST AS GOOD AS THEIRS!

And we must conclude with this deliciously hilarious call to action:

DEMAND ANSWERS! STORM THEIR OFFICES! FLOOD THEIR SWITCHBOARDS!!! ORDER THEM PIZZAS THEY DON’T WANT!!!